We Love to See You Smile
by Princess Licorice
Summary: Part 2 updated! Miyu, Larva, and other strangelings run amok in America's favorite fast food joint. PG13 for weirdness. Minimal swearing.
1. Unearthly McDonald's

WE LOVE TO SEE YOU SMILE

By Princess Licorice

Disclaimer and junk: I do not own Vampire Princess Miyu in any of it's varied incarnations, nor do I own McDonalds.  Nor do I own any other copyrighted thing that might magically appear in this fic.  If the reading of this fanfic causes a loss of customers for either of these products and/or services, they'll just have to get over it.  A warning for hardcore Miyu fans: any and every character is subject to bashing or OOC behavior.

It was around twelve midnight at the local installment of the franchise known at McDonalds.  Even though it was quite possible that it was not really supposed to be open at that time, for the purposes of the story it shall be.  It was a rather spooky night, as most nights are during the witching hour, and it seemed to the poor acne infested boy behind the counter that all of the creeps had come out for the occasion.  The fast food joint was occupied by several unsavory characters of the likes of, thieves, hookers, axe murderers, the killer from Scream, and some irate Dragonball Z fans just back from a convention, and dressed appropriately as their favorite characters.  Other than these dwellers of the night, the only other people in the restaurant were three young and somewhat incompetent teenagers who were running the place, one at the drive through window, one at the counter, and one poor soul attempting to cook everything without causing a nuclear explosion in the kitchens.  Actually, the young man behind the counter wasn't incompetent, he was very smart, a grade-A student.  But the combination of the terrifying gloom outside, and the weirdos running amok inside, had filled him so much with fear that his IQ dropped 70 points and he was frozen to the spot.  

The clock had just struck exactly midnight when everything started to go wrong….wronger than it already was, that is.  The guy at the drive through window had fallen asleep at his post with his portable CD player blasting music into his ears. Something like a cold chill ran down his spine and he awoke with a start, realizing, to his horror, that his CD player had magically run low on batteries and was now emitting strange and creepy noises, when ran backward sounded like….well, you get the picture.  In a feeble attempt to open the battery compartment of his dying electronic friend, he grabbed the closest object he could find, which was a plastic straw unfortunately, and set to the task of prying open his beloved, his dear, his only.  His precious.  Then, out of the corner of his eye, he saw on the monitor of the drive through, which he was supposed to be watching diligently, something large and black pull up.  Temporarily abandoning his precious, he picked up his microphone and began his short introductory speech that he had memorized months ago.

"Welcome to McDonalds.  Can I take your order?"

There was a short pause, and then a loud hissing voice answered him over the intercom.

"Shiiiiiiiiiiiiire….. Baginsssssssssss."

"I'm sorry, sir, but we don't have any of those."  Another short pause, and then…

"I come from Mordor…"

"I come from Pittsburgh," the lad responded.  He was now able to see that the thing on his monitor was not a car, but something not as long and taller.  It had something jutting out at the front with eyes on it, and it apparently had very long legs that pawed at the ground.  There was something sitting on it, something tall and cloaked in black.

"Sssssauron awaitsssss thee…" it hissed malevolently.  The boy scratched his head, briefly trying to remember what the name was for the mode of transportation this freaky customer was using, and finally settled on cow.

"Uh, okay, will that be a Big Mac for you, sir?"

            In the meantime, inside the restaurant, the young, Proactiv-challenged boy was having what he was pretty damn sure was a hot flash.  His internal temperature rose a couple degrees as someone suddenly and very noisily burst through the glass entrance.  After a brief moment of frozen panic the boy was relieved to find that the new arrival appeared relatively normal, except that he was carrying something slimy and green that had about a dozen tentacles flailing about.  Transfixed by this spectacle before him, the young man watched as this rather stressed out gentleman turned the corner behind the counter, green slimy tentacled thing in hand, to the bathrooms, disappearing from sight.  He heard a door swing open with a creak, a squishy plop, and feminine scream, and then a door slam shut.  The stressed out man then returned into sight, minus his slimy friend.  The young boy stared as this man adjusted his glasses, heaved a sigh of relief, and walked daintily back out the door.  The other occupants of the restaurant had been far too busy to notice him.  The thieves were picking peoples pockets.  The Scream guy was sharpening his weapon along with all the axe murderers, who were engaged in cheerful conversation.  The hookers were…well…hooking.  The DBZ fans were throwing Big Macs and large cokes at each other pretending they were spirit bombs or kamehameha waves.  It appeared that only the boy behind the counter had witnessed the event.

Suddenly, while still staring at the door, he heard a sound, two sounds actually.  The first was a creepy elongated chime ringing. The second was what sounded like a large, masculine women's choir singing a two-second snippet from Duel of the Fates.  He felt eyes on his back, and turned around slowly to see two figures standing in front of the counter.  The first was a young girl who looked to be about thirteen.  She had long brown hair in a bun on the left side of her head with a braid trailing down from it over her shoulder, tied elaborately with a long red ribbon.  She wore a short white yukata with a blood red obi tied around her waist in a big bow.  Her eyes were the color of liquid gold.  She appeared to be short, at least compared to the thing that stood behind her.  It was an enormous, black, and overbearing creature.  It had the shape of someone wearing a cloak, if that was what its choice of attire could be called.  A hood was pulled up over its "head", hiding everything within from view except a white mask that stood out starkly from the rest of its body.  To the boy, it seemed like the mask had eyes, red eyes, and they were glowing malevolently.  His mouth unconsciously fell open.

The girl giggled and smiled at him.  "Konnichiwa…"

"Uh,...h-hi," he heard himself stammer.  The girl giggled again.

"I am here," she said in a small but confident voice, "for something."

"Um…uh, w-would you…or your…friend…l-like to order something?"

The girl smiled seductively, which looked kind of freaky on her teenage face, and she started to giggle again.  Except this time, she wouldn't stop.  Slowly her giggle became louder and louder and more maniacal.  She did this for about five minutes, her dark companion never moving an inch, and the other people in the restaurant actually lost interest in their activities and started to stare.  She only giggled harder, smacking her head against the countertop in pure mirth.  The boy was well on his way to soiling his pants, and the DBZ fans were about ready to pounce on the girl in a free-for-all, when the giant black shadow whipped something out of its cloak.  It was a hand, the thing's hand, presumably.  It was an unearthly shade of white and adorned with what appeared to be the Manicure of Doom.  The thing used it to swipe at the back of the girl's head, swiftly ending her giggling fit, and just as swiftly retracted its hand back into the dark confines of its cloak so it would not get caught.

The girl teetered around a bit dizzily, then shook her head as though to clear it, the turned back to the boy behind the counter, who had just sprouted about twenty more zits, and smiled childishly.

"Where were we?  Ah, yes.  I know what I want."  Her tone of voice dropped a pitch, and she lowered her head and stared evilly at the boy from under her eyelashes.  "I want your…"

The black thing suddenly bumped her from behind.  She pointedly ignored it.  "Your…" The shadow bumped her again, harder this time, sending her crashing into the countertop.  She rolled her eyes, and whipped menacingly on her companion.  "WHAT!?"  

It whimpered at her.

"Iie," she replied simply, turning back to the boy behind the counter.

The shadow bumped her again, whimpering a bit louder this time.

"Iie!" she answered sternly, giving her companion a cold, hard glare before turning her back to it again.

It whimpered again, loud enough for the whole place to hear, sounding more like a moose during mating season than a dog. (uh…just wrong)

"ALL RIGHT!!!" she screamed into its face, or rather its mask, giving her braid a good tug as she did so.  The shadow drew itself up and seemed to be beaming triumphantly as the girl exasperatingly turned back to the counter.  The poor boy was now covered from head to toe in zits.  Her voice was flat as she addressed him.  "I would like a quarter-pounder with no pickles or.."  

The black thing whipped out its hand again and whacked her on the back of the head hard.  She was thrown forward, bounced off the countertop, and landed securely, albeit unhappily, in the shadow's arms.  Her right eye was suddenly ticking very oddly.

"Scratch that," she snarled through clenched teeth, "I want a Big Mac with no pickles or onions."

"And your d-rink, miss…?"

She threw an angry glare over her shoulder at her companion, then replied, as though she were condescending herself, "No drink.  M&M McFlurry."  Her left eye ticked, her companion stuck its chest out in a show of masculine supremacy, the boy nervously wrung the sweat out of his hair, a deep voice sang gospel music from the women's bathroom, and a Vegita look-alike threw one of the hookers through a window.  It was going to be a long night.

Kyuukesuki Miyu grumpily rested her chin in her open palm as she watched her companion and guardian, Larva, squeeze his large frame into the tiny plastic seat in a far corner of the restaurant.  Needless to say, this took awhile, Larva being the giant 8-foot tall Shinma that he was.  His cloak twisted around him in protest as he attempted for the fifth time to sit in his seat.  When he finally seated himself, he darted his head around attentively, taking an inventory of the restaurant's other occupants.  They had all gone back to their devious previous business and had ceased to notice the vampire girl and her Shinma "pet".  That is, all except for the aforementioned Vegita look-alike, who was glaring openly at Larva from across the room, continuously raising and lowering his left eyebrow, making his exaggerated widow's peak expand and contract on his forehead.  Several Gokus, both of the regular and Super-Saiyan variety, noticed his spiteful glaring and began making efforts to cheer the disgruntled cosplayer up, through the use of America's favorite fries and some empty nostrils.  

Once completely sure that no one was watching him, Larva turned merrily back to his meal.  Bringing his ghost-white hands out of his cloak, he raised them above the table and set them hovering over his food.  His well-manicured fingers began to wiggle.  Miyu's lip curled as she desperately tried to suppress a snort.

"Oh, stop it Larva!" she exclaimed, causing the Shinma to shift its head in her direction.  "You haven't eaten for fifty years!  You've managed to survive fine up until now."  He merely shrugged.

Miyu began tracing her finger in a circle on the rather sticky table.  "How exactly do you intend to eat that anyway?" she asked, raising her eyes questioningly to him.  "You can't take the mask off, remember?  How do you expect to be able to get that Happy Meal of yours from the table to your stomach?  Hmmm?"  Larva seemed to consider this for a few minutes while Miyu watched him inquisitively.  Finally, he reached out and grabbed his M&M McFlurry authoritatively.  Taking the large industrial strength plastic spoon inserted in the ice cream's center, he began to stir the sticky goop until the M&Ms inside began to stain the delicious treat the various different colors of their candy shells.  Then, accompanied by a loud sucking noise, Larva pulled the spoon out of his dessert and threw it nonchalantly over his shoulder.  It flew across the room and embedded itself into the hair of the aforementioned Vegita look-alike, he being so pissed at life in general that he did not notice his hair being impaled, and stayed there for the better part of the night.

Miyu gave her companion an amused smile.  Buoyed by the extreme beauty and brightness of his mistress's teeth, Larva happily decided to finish his ritual, delicately placing the McFlurry cup before him on the table.  He adjusted its position carefully with his long fingers.  Miyu leaned in closer, genuinely interested.  Removing his hands, Larva began to stare down his McFlurry with his unnerving red eyes.  Miyu continued to watch him. 

Several minutes passed like this.  

Getting bored, Miyu lifted her hand up to check her watch, but, suddenly realizing that she didn't have a watch, she sufficed by calling Larva a rather uncomplimentary Japanese word, and told him to move his Shinma butt.  

Miyu had barely gotten this out, when Larva suddenly nose-dived face first into his M&M McFlurry, sending melted ice cream flying everywhere.

            Several minutes later, Larva had his mask flat against the table in a puddle of the remaining McFlurry, making loud sucking noises.  Miyu was using a cheap, paper-thin napkin in an attempt to clean Larva's mess off of her face.  The crushed McFlurry cup was resting in a pool of ice cream on the side of the table.  

            Apparently, there was a small whole in Larva's mask right around where his mouth was that Larva had neglected to let Miyu onto about.  He had used this opening to suck up most of his ice cream, leaving only a few surviving M&Ms strewn about the table, or the floor, depending on how they were scattered by Larva's dive-bombing attack.  Once Larva had noisily sucked up the remainder of his dessert, he lifted his head and happily gazed at his beloved, ice cream-soaked Miyu, although she couldn't tell it was a happy gaze with that mask on and all.  She tried desperately to glare angrily at him, but his unearthly and macabre beauty prevented her from doing so.  She sighed and shook her head.

            "Okay then.  I hope you're happy.  Please clean up your mess before you get stuck to the table."  Larva complied, using several more useless napkins to the best of his ability.  Miyu threw a furtive glance at Larva's remaining Big Mac.  Larva must have really been out of habit in concern to eating for he had eaten his dessert first and left his sandwich to get cold.  Seeing as how long it took for Larva to simply suck down his McFlurry, Miyu was beginning to get the feeling that they would be there for awhile.  

            "Larva?" she asked sweetly, as the deathly white mask turned to her, "I don't suppose you could hurry it up with your din-din?  We are running short on time and there is a very mean and nasty Shinma hiding in the basement of this place, so if you could just eat a little faster…?" For a moment, she couldn't tell if her sickly sweet words had any effect on him.  Then, after a few seconds, he replied by shrugging again, and quickly procured a large plastic cup out of his robes, with a very odd picture of some giant, fat, fuzzy animal pasted on it.  He used his hand to scoop up the remaining M&Ms and deposited them into this cup, then slipped it back into the confines of his cloak.  Larva hated wasting good candy, even if he wasn't able to eat it.

            Miyu sighed impatiently as Larva reached for his Big Mac.  Apparently that damn mask of his also hampered his hearing.  "Hey, did you hear me?!  I have work to do here, pal!"  Larva paused in bringing the sandwich up to his face, and shrugged again.  Miyu smacked her head against the table, and found, to her horror, that her face was now stuck to it.  Taking advantage of this brief window of opportunity, Larva brought his almighty sandwich up to his mouth…and it bounced uselessly off of his mask.  Miyu ripped the skin of her face forcefully away from the tabletop in time to see this.

            "You see?!  I told you that you couldn't eat with that mask on!" she declared triumphantly.  Underneath the protection of his mask, Larva fumed silently.  The vampire girl crossed her arms and leaned back in her seat.  "You might as well just give it up right now.  We could be here all night while you try to figure out how to eat that thing, and by then the Shinma will surely realize that we're…"

            "YOU!!!"

            Miyu jumped in her chair and let out a squeak.  She whipped around and began to survey the room, searching for the owner of the voice she was sure had been addressing her.  Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, except one of the hookers was struggling her way across the room in her high-heeled go-go boots and continuously falling on her ass as she did so.  Un-amused and unalarmed, Miyu turned slowly back to Larva. "Now where was…eh?"

            Nothing had changed about the way Larva had been sitting, he still had both his unearthly hands clutching at his Big Mac, except now the sandwich had a large bite missing out of it.  Miyu could feel her right eye begin to tick again. "H-how the hell did you do that?!" she screamed, pointing a shaking finger at Larva's burger.  As was typical of him, Larva shrugged.

            "YOU!!!"

            This time, it was much easier to determine the source of the voice, as it had been right next to Miyu's ear.  The vampire winced visibly, and sent a withering look in the direction of the speaker.  It was the hooker from before, who had somehow managed to make it across the room and was now balancing precariously on the heels of her boots and glaring spitefully at Miyu.  The vampire girl blinked in confusion at her.

            The creature spoke again, in a very familiar voice, "At last I've found you again, miYU!"

            Miyu winced once again at the annoying mispronunciation of her name.  Who the heck did this lady think…

            "Eh?  I…know that slur…"  Come to think of it, she knew that slutty outfit too.  It was a bit different than all of the others, more retro, like it had come out of the 80s or something…

            Suddenly, it hit her like a ton of bricks.  It had been nearly two decades now since she had last seen her, and being an immortal she couldn't be expected to remember everything.  But now she could remember that woman quite well, seeing as she was right in front of her, and she hadn't aged a damn day…  A large sweatdrop appeared above Miyu's head.

            "Himiko-san…"

            The slutty spiritualist put her hands on her hips in a triumphant pose as she sneered down her nose at Miyu.  "miYU!  Now you will PAY for what you've done to ME!"

            While Miyu's attention was otherwise occupied, Larva furtively turned his head away, lifted up his mask, and took a large juicy bite out of his Big Mac.  The kid behind the counter was slumped down below anyone's view and was praying silently to Kami-sama that his shift would end soon.  Loud hissing noises came from the direction of the drive through window.

That's it for part one kiddies!  Sign the review form thingie and I'll write more! Promise!  Might as well say that I don't own:

The Ringwraiths

DBZ or DBZ junkies (thank GOD!)

McFlurries

Bic Macs

Go Go Boots


	2. A Banquet of Sailor Senshi Dolls

Author's notes- I apologize profusely for my lack of updating this fic. All I can say is that my composition class in school has temporarily won out over my fanfic writing. But it would be very cruel of me to prolong the torture of my loyal readers for any further amount of time, so I'm finally giving you a very short, but very action packed, Part 2. This fic was originally supposed to consist of only two parts, but seeing as it's taking so long to write this, I figured it would be easier to post the remainder of the fic up in smaller installments. That, and I just received a review today stating that one of my readers would be killed by their friends 17 times over if I did not update, and that I would have to attend their funeral in such an event. How could I ignore such an impassioned plea?

I therefore dedicate the remainder of this fic to my loyal and patient readers. You make my life worth living. I'd also like to point out that this fic was most definitely inspired by arachniphilliac's works, which I demand that all of you go read as soon as you're done with this.

And rest assured that I shall continue to slave away on this fic until someone gives me a sock. (Anyone who gets that, I'll write an extra bad humor fic for them!)

****

We Love to See You Smile

Part 2- A Banquet of Sailor Senshi Dolls

By Princess Licorice

Disclaimer- I own nothing except the plot. Sad, ne?

It was the shot heard round the world. None of the four corners of the globe were spared from the eerie noise that was emitted from McDonalds late that one night. (or rather, very early in the morning)

"EEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHH??????????"

Spiritualist Se Himiko, well renowned throughout the isles of Japan for her stupidity and ineffectiveness, was standing in a triumphant position over her archrival, the vampire princess, Miyu. Miyu's mouth was hanging wide open in shock, which Himiko seemed to be enjoying. Larva, on the other hand, couldn't have cared what the hell Himiko was doing there. He was just glad that she had arrived. He had taken her appearance as a sign from God, and while she distracted Miyu, he had slipped underneath the table, removed his accursed mask, and chomped down on his Big Mac greedily. 

Miyu managed to recover from her shock somehow, not wanting to amuse Himiko any longer than she already had. "H-Himiko-san, what…why…how…?"

Himiko smiled evilly, "You drank my blood, and gave me eternal life, remember? That's why I'm still like this." Himiko stared down the low neckline of her dress for emphasis. Miyu made the mistake of smacking her head on the tabletop again.

"What was I thinking?"

"INDEED! What WERE you thinking, miYU!? I never ASKED for any of this! YOU did this to ME! I'll never forgive YOU!" Himiko said this, all the while still staring at her own chest. "I've searched EVERYWHERE for you miYU. At last I've found you!" She laughed maliciously as Miyu once again tried to peel her face away from the sticky table. "Now, I shall SLAY you as I SHOULD have done TWENTY YEARS AGO!"

Miyu managed to detach her face from the tabletop just in time to witness Himiko pull a menacing looking pair of emerald chopsticks out of her ample cleavage. She raised them high above her head and aimed them at Miyu's heart. 

"NOW YOU DIE, VAMPIYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Apparently, the movement that Himiko had been attempting to make was too much for the dinky heels of her go-go boots. They gave way underneath her, causing the idiotic spiritualist to totter over backwards and land very painfully on her ass. Her chopsticks flew free of her hands and shot across the room. In a strange case of déjà vu, they embedded themselves into the hair of the Vegita look-alike, apparently to keep Larva's spoon company. This time however, the Vegita wannabe noticed this occurrence, because he had been watching the scene with Himiko and Miyu the whole time. He did not seem very happy.

Miyu gazed down at the pitiful sight before her. Himiko's naked legs were flailing wildly in the air in before her face. The spiritualist was still trying to finish her exclamation from before.

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Miyu looked away, disgusted. She could feel her face turning green. "Larva, dispose of her."

Larva did not appear. Miyu looked around for him wildly, but saw no sign of him anywhere. "Dammit! Larva?! Where the hell did you go?"

But Miyu did not need him after all. The Vegita look-alike had stalked his way across the crowded restaurant, throwing people forcefully out of his way, and was now holding Himiko up above his head by her thong. He swung her around his head a few times, then hurled her off in the general direction of the bathrooms. She landed with a loud crack.

"Ahhh! NOOOOOOOOOOO!" she cried, pulling something broken out from underneath her miniskirt, "My Ultra-Mega-Super-Happy-Pretty Soldier Sailor Sephiroth action figure! You broke his sword!" she screamed, fingering the doll in an unsuitable place. The angry cosplayer responded by opening the bathroom door, kicking her brutally through the entryway, and then slamming it behind her. Muffled screams and evil, masculine laughter erupted from within.

"NO! SEPHI! DON'T EAT MY SEPHI! ACK!"

The Vegita wannabe came stomping back, looking even angrier than he had when Himiko was present. "You blabbering, weakling women drive me CRAZY! Now I'm going to…" He had turned to Miyu with the intention of ripping her hair out with his teeth, but Larva had magically reappeared behind her, giving him an unearthly glare that would have turned the axe murderers to stone. The Vegita-man swallowed hard, and Miyu giggled.

"You were saying?"

The look-alike humphed loudly, turned on his heel and marched angrily back to his comrades, who did not seem too pleased to have him return. His pissy mood had become so great that he had completely forgotten the eating utensils sticking out of his hair.

Miyu grinned, but the grin was replaced with a look of frustration as she turned back to Larva. "Where were you just now? I called to you and you didn't answer."

Larva shrugged innocently.

Miyu's right eye ticked. She unleashed a powerful scream. A glass window shattered. The Scream killer's mask exploded, causing him to dart around the restaurant madly with his hands pulling down his hood, searching crazily for something to hide his identity.

Larva clapped a hand over Miyu's mouth.

Miyu blinked a few times, then relaxed. Larva removed his hand. "I'm sorry, Larva. I don't know what came over me…" She looked up at him with puppy dog eyes. "It's just that you frustrate me so much, Larva…" He responded by giving her a smothering hug. "Ugh…Laaaarvaaaa…..let go….." Larva let go, and shrugged again. Miyu humphed. "So what did you do with that burger of yours anyway…?" She glanced back at the table and noticed a lonely paper wrapper crumpled up amidst a pile of crumbs. She sighed, despite herself. "You know what? I really don't wanna know…."

She turned gracefully back to Larva on her toes. "Well, now that that's over and done with," she announced smoothly, holding her hands behind her back, "I believe it's time that we hunt some Shinma. Okay, Larva?"

Larva responded by pumping his fists in the air, and then doing his version of the macarena. Miyu grabbed him forcefully by the cloak before he could finish.

"NOT NOW, LARVA!"

She dragged him over to the main counter, jumped on top and hauled him over it. They both landed on something wet and squishy. 

"Ew! What the heck?" She and Larva rolled away to reveal the terrified zit-boy. His knees were drawn up against his chest and he was shaking horribly.

"P-p-p-p-p-please!" he begged, "D-d-d-don't eat me!"

Miyu gave him her most charming, childlike smile. "Of course I won't eat you silly!" She crawled slowly over to him, while Larva looked on, unamused. "I'll tell you what," she whispered seductively, as she reached out to move a strand of his sweat-soaked hair behind his ear, "When this is all over, I'll drink your blood, and give you eternal life, and you won't remember a thing about this awful night." She tenderly touched his cheek. "Hmmm? How about it?"

The boy abruptly passed out cold.

The vampire girl stood up, offended, and let out a large huff. "Hmph! No one wants eternal life nowadays. Such backward people they are!" She tossed her head and flung her braid over her shoulder, the turned around and marched purposefully into the kitchens. "Come, Larva!"

The tall Shinma inwardly let out a sigh of relief. No one could be his Miyu's luvmuffin but HIM! He thought this with a snort in the unconscious boy's direction. Then he too turned and happily floated after his mistress.

Himiko sat on the cold, grungy bathroom floor with her legs spread-eagled out in front of her. This was causing a large draft to go up her butt. She scratched her head, losing her fingers for a moment in the hairsprayed mess that covered it. 

"Hmmm? Where's all this air coming from? It makes me want to use the……BATHROOM!"

"You're in the bathroom, stupid."

Himiko jumped at the sound of the deep, masculine voice across the room from her. Standing upon the crushed remnants of the handicapped bathroom stall was what looked like a Marlboro creature from the Final Fantasy games. Either that, or a large venus fly trap. It possessed a plethora of tentacles that it used to idly throw large pieces of debris up in the air and then catch them again. The creature possessed no eyes, but it did have a particularly large mouth, along with a set of full, luscious lips unbecoming on a giant, evil, man-eating plant from outer space.

Himiko giggled at how silly these lips looked on the demon-plant for a moment, then suddenly, gazing at those purple lips brought something back to her. It was the reason why she was sitting in such an indecent position on the dirty, slippery floor. She had fallen here when that man who wore more hairspray than she did had kicked her into this stinkhole. And her poor Sephi doll had flown out of her arms and into the gaping mouth of…

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHH! YOU ATE MY SEPHI!!!!"

"Well, duuuuuuuuuuurrrr!" The plant responded with more than a hint of annoyance. Himiko began to cry again, causing thick, black streams of eyeliner to run down her face. She sniffled and began to chew distractedly on the ends of her hair. It was surprising how crunchy they were.

"FEEEED ME!"

Himiko looked up at the giant plant. It was trying to look down at her as pleadingly as it could, and it wasn't doing too good a job. It was looking more like it wanted Himiko to feed herself to it than anything else. The spiritualist sniffled a bit more, let out a large huff, and then shook her head many, many times.

"Nonononononononononononononono!"

"FEEEEEEEEEED ME!" the plant being whined more urgently. Its tentacles began to reach out towards her.

"NOOOOOOOO!" she squealed. "NEEEEEVAAAAAARRRRR!" She needed to take a few moments to catch her breath after this outburst, seeing as she had inhaled too much smoke and hairspray in her lifetime to have a sufficient lung capacity for screaming any longer. Her hand plunged wildly down the front of her dress. "You may have EATEN my Sailor Sephi, but you'll *sniff* NEVER take my Ultra-Mega-Super-Happy-Pretty Soldier Sailor KUJA!!!!" With this exclamation she forcefully yanked another large doll out of her dress, this one being slightly shorter than the last one and sporting a pair of caped bikini underwear. The creature's tentacles began to quiver in midair, inching their way slowly towards the doll. It licked its lips.

"And you'll ALSO never get MY Ultra-Mega-Super-Happy-Pretty Soldier Sailor SEYMOUR!" She procured a third doll with blue hair from under her armpit and held it up above her head reverently. The creature suddenly, and very unexplainably, looked terrified. It held its tentacles before it in a pleading gesture.

"Pu-lease!" it whispered, "Don't say that name again or she'll hear you!" But it was already too late.

"SEEEEEEEEMOOOOAAAAAAAA?!"

An ugly, makeup adorned, blonde woman emerged from one of the adjacent stalls that was still standing. She was tall and skinny, and wearing a form-fitting black spandex dress. She began to twirl about madly with her arms swinging wildly around her, a very freaky-looking smile plastered on her face. She was emitting strange noises, which Himiko eventually realized was singing, shortly before she passed out from sheer horror.

"SUDDENLY SEAMOOOOOOOOOORRR is standing beside me! SUDDENLY SEAMOOOOOOOOOOORRRR….."

Seeing as it will take too much trouble to list everything in this fic which I do not own, I'll simply repeat my statement from above. I own nothing except the plot. I don't even own the title! (cries) Read and review, and be happy!


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